


His Scars are His to Keep

by Psiren



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Comfort, F/M, Nya’s POV, PTSD, Post S6, second person writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-17 07:39:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17556137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Psiren/pseuds/Psiren
Summary: Jay is quietly struggling with the events with Nadakhan. Nya wishes she saw it sooner before it got this bad.





	His Scars are His to Keep

**Author's Note:**

> This is not proof read. It’s probably really bad. I wrote this forever ago. I just felt like Jay wouldn’t have handled the events of S6 too well, and it kinda annoyed me that Jay and Nya were so cutesy about it in S8. Boo. I like pain. So here’s pain.
> 
> Accompanying art for this? I don’t know how to post it on here.  
> https://twitter.com/spitt_fyre/status/1089305820016332800?s=21

“Sorry to wake you, but he’s doing it again. Won’t stop pacing up there,” Cole says reluctantly, arms crossed, shoulders shrugged sheepishly, and body slumped flush against your doorframe. Has he been waiting a while before knocking? “I don’t think he’s slept through the night in weeks. He won’t even talk to me. I’m worried about him.”

Without even saying his name, you know who Cole is concerned about.

You reach a hand to his translucent shoulder, surprised when it makes contact. Luckily for Cole, his ghostly body tends to become corporeal enough when it’s in need for comfort. You take that opportunity to wrap your arms around his waist. “I’ll talk to him,” you reassure him.

He eases into the embrace and tucks his face against your neck. “Thank you.”

 

You find Jay on deck, stern of the Bounty. A large blanket engulfs his already small frame, keeping him warm from the night’s frigid air. His legs are swung over the railings dangerously close to the edge. Your approach is slow and careful in fear you might startle him.

“You don’t need to sneak up on me,” he breaks the silence, unmoving. “I know you’re there.”

“I knew I was a better samurai than a ninja. Stealth mode is nonexistent,” you hope to get maybe a chuckle out of him. He’s too lost in his own thoughts to even respond. You sit next to him, legs inward of the railings, opposite of his, intending to lead him back when he’s ready.

The both of you sit together silently. You glance over to see him staring off into nothing.

“Cole’s worried about you,” you say, finally. “We all are.”

He curls into himself and hides slightly into the thick blanket. “I’m sorry.”

You lean onto him, and he quickly retracts. It hurts. He’s avoided all physical contact with you since he started to withdraw. It only makes you want to hold him more.

“You’ve been...off. You can’t seem to focus during training, if you even go. You haven’t eaten, haven’t slept. You’ve been avoiding us. Hell, one of your really bad but endearing jokes every once in a while would be nice.” You pause, waiting for any input. When it never came, you ask.

“Is this about...what happened?”

And that’s what triggers him. “Nothing happened! None of that EVER happened!” There’s so much pain in the way he says it. He’s on the verge of breaking, and you hate yourself for realising this so late. His cheeks redden. The moonlight reflects the tears that threaten to fall from his eyes.

His face softens. “I’m...I’m sorry. I didn’t mean...I didn’t mean to yell.” His fist balls tightly and suddenly he is punching down into the wooden railings of the Bounty. “Stupid stupid stupid. Can’t keep doing this. You’re not a child, you irritable little shit!” You realise he’s yelling at himself, probably for the hundredth time as of recent. His fist continues to slam into the splintered wood.

Without thinking, you take his hand and it is shaking. Blood rushes colour back into his white knuckles and out of the deepened abrasions he just inflicted. His eyes are wide as he stares at what you just did, unsure of how to react. You lightly rub the areas around the wounds with your thumbs for comfort. He hisses slightly but nothing else. This is the first time in a while he has willingly let you touch him. You enjoy the warmth, the closeness. Before the moment can be interrupted, you raise his hand to your lips and you plant a tender kiss on his fingers.

“Nya...”

“It was undone,” you start. “What happened was real, but we beat it. You beat it.” He is shaking his head. “You made things right.”

His hand rips away from your hold, and that feeling of warmth slips away once again. His face is burning red. “Stop!” he snaps. “Just stop! You make it out like I’m some kind of hero.”

Confused, you respond, “You are.”

“But it never happened.”

“I suppose, in a way...” you admit.

“I just want to forget it,” he mutters. “I thought I could. I did for a while.” He pauses for a moment. “But now...all I ever do is think about it. It keeps me up all night. And after days without sleep and my body is too exhausted to stay awake, I pass out and I see it, replaying over and over in my head.”

“Jay...”

There is a deepening in his voice, a tone soaked in pain and fear. “And I can feel it. Every. Bit. Of pain. Is constantly refreshed. The fatigue, the abuse, the...” he meets your eyes, “...heartache... It’s like I’m back on that deck being forced beyond my limit. Or I’m back in that ring taking those blows. I can feel his stupid hook cutting into me—Oh god!” His voice is breaking. “It’s so vivid...! The metal is so cold, but the sting burns so goddamn hot.” Tears begin to fall down his cheeks. “Then, the worst of it. I can feel you...struggling for every laboured breath, violently shaking from the pain, dying in my arms...”

“Is that why we never...”

“Every...time...we touch, I’m...afraid...afraid I’ll feel your life drain from your body again.”

You...knew the events involving Nadakhan took a toll on him, but never could you imagine just how deep his wounds really were. God dammit! If only he weren’t go damn stubborn and went to you for help! You were there too! You remembered every bit of it when the others passed it off as deja vu. Stubborn little—

“Jay?!”

You didn’t even notice he had stood up on the railings where you both sat. The blanket wrapped around him billowed violently in the wind that now threatened to help him over the edge. Usually, with concentration, his balance is impeccable, but you can tell by the lifeless look in his eyes, he no longer wanted to try. His body wavered to and fro as the icy night wind beat against his face. You leap up and grab ahold of his legs, hoping to keep him from falling into nothing.

“What the hell are you doing, Jay!”

His eyes stare off into the clouds and nothingness ahead, never shifting to address your presence. “He kept telling me, ‘Just wish it all away.’ It could all just end, as if one little wish could free you from any pain.” Another gust of wind pushes against him, nearly launching him forward. You hold on tightly and scream his name. “But where’s that asshole now? Now that I’m ready, he’s nowhere to be found.”

“Jay! Please!” you beg of him, tears of terror streaming from your face.

He looks straight ahead as if he is looking at someone before him. “You win. My scars are mine to keep.” And he lets go...

 

It is as if time slowed down. You see him kick off the railing and your hold on him is gone. His blanket is all you had. You look over the edge and see him plummeting into the clouds that soon engulf him.

Without hesitation, you launch yourself head first over the rails after him. Gravity grips you so tightly the vapours from the clouds tear away at your face as you’re pulled closer to the ground. Your body straightens and you dive even faster until he reappears. You manoeuvre yourself towards him and when he is close enough, you grab ahold of his forearms. You squeeze tightly as the fall threatens to tear you both apart.

He looks at your with genuine confusion. “Nya! Why did you—“

“Because I love you, bolts for brains!” you are laughing at your own obvious response. “You’re a complete and total idiot and I love you for it and everything else about you.”

He begins to sob. “But I’m broken.”

You move your hands from his arms into his hands, gripping them tightly. “Maybe,” you admit, “but when have I ever given up on something that seemed beyond repair?” He is at a loss of words, but you know he understands. “I’m never going to give up on you, Jay Walker, no matter how broken you feel you are. I know you’re hurting, but you need to find the strength to reach out. From there, I’ll take care of you. We all will.”

Your bodies spiral further to the ground and the turbulence from the descent forced even more tears from your eyes. The friction slamming against you begins to hurt. You know you’re close to the ground. “Jay. Remember? We’re only strong together.”

His eyes widen from the familiar words and understanding. His fingers ease into your hold and his eyelids flutter shut. You follow. Eyes shut lightly as you begin to concentrate on merging your souls into one.

A large sphere of water gathers from the clouds nearby and catches you, slowing your descent. The current of the sphere shifts your bodies to its core. From the sky, you hear a loud crack, and lightning strikes the water sphere from the clear sky. The marriage of lightning and water, your dragon, the beautiful hybrid you created only once before, is reborn and even more ethereal than you remember. The water forming the sphere evaporates and the two of you land on your dragon’s glowing back. The three of you make your way towards the Bounty.

His body lands on yours, and, to your surprise, he doesn’t retract. Instead, he pushes himself closer, moulding himself onto your back. You thread your fingers with his and bring his hand up for a kiss. “You reached out,” your words having more meanings than one.

“I’m gonna try.”

Your thumb strokes his fingers for comfort. “I know what you went through was difficult, and I can’t even begin to fathom what you endured, but I want to understand. Help me understand so I can help you through this. I’m not going to let you face this alone.” He squeezes your hands slightly and you feel dampness from his face on your shoulder as he quietly cried with a nod.

“Yeah. Okay.”

Dawn began to peek its rays through the stars. Before long, the sun’s warmth hugs your bodies. The Bounty now in sight.

As a new day began, so did his road to acceptance and recovery.

With you by his side.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written when I was having a hard time with my own PTSD, so I took it out on Jay. He’s my family’s punching bag, I swear... Seriously though, if you are having a hard time, please reach out. Don’t try to deal with it on your own. And don’t jump out of a flying ship. You might not have a pretty ninja babe to save you.


End file.
